It’s that time of the year again. Prepare for hours fighting walls of shoppers as they make their way towards their mecca like salmon spawning upstream, awkward office parties with minor shenanigans involving cheap booze, the new office temp and mistletoe and a ‘nice’” family Christmas dinner where polite frostiness between apathetic relatives disintegrates into a Mexican standoff with the silver cutlery (blame the alcoholic Christmas pudding). Yup, Merry Christmas everyone.
So when it does all get too much, make your own Christmas cheer. Lock yourself in a room, grab a Fosters and have a laugh with these top five Christmas TV specials.
No matter how drunk your uncle got before he passed out in the Cranberry sauce, he didn’t end up with his head stuck up a raw turkey. Seriously, has anyone, ever? Bet you feel a bit better now.
Because when Dawn finally kisses Tim, it’s the most romantic moment ever. See? There’s hope for you yet.
Ah, the clashes of expectations as joke presents are given to the barer of thoughtful ones. Which person are you?
The pressure! The pressure to eat with people at Christmas. So you might have had to swallow two lunches to keep all the in-laws and relatives happy, but at least you didn’t have to eat four, like the poor Vicar. Count your helpings, uh, blessings.
“There’s always some sort of argument, isn’t there? Sometimes even the turkey ends up on the wall,” says the caged hamster, just beyond reach of the enticing mince pie. Unlike Mr Hamster, at least you can have as much Fosters beer and as many mince pies as you like. Let someone else clean the turkey off the wall.
Dr Who Christmas Specials: So they’re not as funny but they are pure escapism. If only you had a tardis to propel yourself through your wife’s painful office party…
Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em – ‘Learning to Fly’ Christmas Special: Because no matter how bad your Christmas was, at least you didn’t end up in a plane with your instructor passed out mid-flight.
Blackadder – A Christmas Carol: Secretly, don’t you just envy Blackadder? Constantly letting rip with strings of mildly insulting, witty retorts, while you spend your entire lunch biting your tongue unwilling to risk the inevitable nuclear fallout if you open your mouth and tell your snooty cousin what you real think.
OK, so now you have survived the Christmas onslaught, you may gracefully retreat without guilt and relax. Drink a beer or two, watch reruns of TV Christmas specials, flick through the latest episode of Mid Morning Matters on YouTube and look forward to tomorrow’s leftovers.
Perhaps your New Year’s Resolution this year should be not to make such a big deal over Christmas next year.